Free Fall

Free fall until now
How do I step down
Let it go
Nothing lasts forever
How much longer can I endure
Pulled both ways
Stuck in this damn haze
Let go of the restraints
It all seems so faint
Standing still
Let go of all will

Now or Never

Take it or leave it
Having a hard time
Waste of time or scared to find
Open the door
Face the demons to your core
Now or never
Is this forever
Urge to run
Cant be undone

Falling

Forget what I said
Long gone and dead
Falling back to nothing
Was it ever something?
Can't believe I'm here
My mind clouded with fear
Never thought it would come to this

Defined

Guard down for once
Trusted enough to jump
Betrayed and scarred
Never again will it go down that far
Truth comes easy
Seeing it for what it should be
Hard enough as it is
I scream for this to give
Defined by character within
True colors arise and live
Cant turn back
Past is gone
Look how far I have come along

Walk Away

Walk away
Thats all that you can say
Dropped down to the concrete
Kicked me off of my feet
Walk away
Didnt have the decency to stay
Follow it around
It will always let you down
Walk away
Stand up and face me
That will not set you free
Disbelief conquers my soul
For this was never my goal
Walk away
Slammed the door
Feet to the floor
Down to my core
Cant do this anymore
Walk away

Shallow

Fears unspoken in the shallow past
Disarming yourself without looking back
Lock and load is how to survive
Walking along dieing on the inside
Wait for me through my dreams
Nothing comes of this but lost screams
Grasping on to what I can not hold
The final fire is for me to fold

Treading

Hello world where have I been?
Searching this long and I stand alone with nothing to win
Stand up and scream aloud
Where do I go from here and how
Save me from myself please
Begging and pleading I give all I need
Treading on the water of the world

Blank

Blank canvas today
Stuck in the color grey
Looking back to an open space
Never thought this would be the case
So much time has passed
How did I ever last
Facing new fears
No one will ever see my tears
Who will join me
Dreadful its not what it seems
Stepping into a new me
Wondering all the time who it will be
Who ever wants to be alone
From the shadows I sit at home

Desire

Unwilling and never changing
Looking for something that is fading
Walk faster to your dream
Don't fight because no one can hear your scream
Break away from the mold
Desire is what you need to stand out and be bold
Let it go and be strong
You can't hold on forever just to belong
Grab your heart and hold it tight
In the end thats all you have just to stand up for the fight

Unwilling

Fighting for a chance
Tempted to glace
Newly paved smooth and straight
Too soon to walk on don’t give me your bait
You all look the same
Perfect is what you claim
Trust is far and long gone
Every time I always sing that same song
Can’t help but compare to the past
That part of me is forever gone at last
Walking away from the old
Finally finding out some new
So hesitant to even get a taste
Knowing at some point it will be a waste
Ending up the same as it started
I’m better off departed
Never thought I would get this far
Almost falling lifeless feeling my scar
Unwilling to give all of me

Confusion

Lost in my own confusion
I am starting to fall into a delusion
Of what I thought love could be
I never saw what blinded me
Looking for the right fit
Everything that comes to me doesn’t seem to make it
Searching through the smoky haze
I can’t see what is in front of me
I’ve been lost for days
Finding something wrong with every one of them
I refuse to settle for what I don’t want again
I set my standard high this time
I have to push them aside and find out what is really mine
Confused I wander through the darkness
If I shut my eyes too long it may all be missed
Still in the back of my mind
It is taking much longer this time
This is how it is supposed to feel
Dark and alone I am the only one here
Blurred with thoughts of not knowing what to do
I change my mind everyday thinking it will all be through
So much for me to figure out
This time around there has to be no doubt
I don’t even know if that’s what I want
I’m doing fine without it I almost forgot
The confusion has set in
Eventually I will sort my thoughts
And I will know where to begin
2006

Staring

Staring into the open space
I have been alone so long
I no longer see your face
Trusting what I know lies beneath the core
I followed you but stopped at your door
Trying so hard not to wonder
I have been here forever
Will it ever be like it was before
Will I ever find someone who will be my cure
For what love and hope I ever had
I wonder in my loneliness are you ever sad
Lying to save your own thoughts
Was I that bad for you to forget our past
Eventually I will rebuild what I lost
My heart will mend itself and forget at what cost
I deserve more than you could ever give
You kicked me down and now I will live
Searching forever to find what is mine
I have to wait and just give it time
2006

Truth

Finally the truth came out
I never really had any doubt
One stupid page disclosed your hidden agenda
It crossed my mind once or twice that you would befriend her
How long will it take for you to realize
That what you have done just caused your own demise
Taking steps backwards towards someone you’re not
Now how will you get out of this who would have thought
You have failed at being faithful and honest
All that has done was made any feeling for you regress
Ashamed that I ever let you through my door
I’m shutting it forever you will never break my core
Why would you do such a thing to me
I should have known it was that obvious to be seen
Don’t ever let me see you out with her
I refuse to see what you have become it will just be a blur
I hate you for making me like this
Didn’t take long at all for you to get in someone else’s kiss
I hope thoughts of me cross your mind every day
That way I will know that you realized you fucked up when I went away
Never again will I think of you as I did in the past
You bruised my heart and scarred me so fast
I hope your happy now with the bed you just made
Knowing who you were I should have seen the game you played
You are out of my life forever
I now see that I will always be better
2006

Dreams

Haunting my dreams
You collide with everything inside of me
How do I get rid of you
Even though I know that we are through
You are constantly in my thoughts
I never knew what this would cause
Please get out of my shit
I tell myself this is it
I fear seeing you face to face
I need to get the fuck out of this place
Go haunt someone else
So they can feel what I felt
My anger increases as the days go by
You never even wanted to try
So many things I would love to say to you
So you can understand how I am so through
All the bullshit and lies
I really have to say goodbye
It all makes sense now
You really didn’t give a shit
And that is why you were so foul
How could I be so blind
All I was to you was some great find
Waiting around for my dream man
All you wanted was a maid at your hand
The constant struggle to get inside your mind
You blocked me out and left me behind
All the times I tried to mend what went wrong
You just sat there and pretended and then wrote me a song
What the fuck was I supposed to think
You played such a good game of fixing our missing link
How could you do this to me
Please someone let me see
I fucking hate how I feel
But for some reason it is so easy for you to deal
Go back to your old ways
And you can only count the days
Of how you fucked up
And now you’re the one out of luck
You’re poor excuse of getting out without any doubt
I scream for you to hear you are the one who fucking missed out
I am who I am and I won’t change for anyone
Especially you who swore to me that I was it and then you were done
2005

Apart

Caught in the middle
Bad dreams are more than real
Falling apart
When did this all start
Lost in the mess of screams
No one even thinks where to lean
The end is closer than we thought
Nothing here has been taught
Strong is what they expect you to be
Impossible to smile through for everyone to see

Wondering why

Hidden tears I cry

Never showing inside

Below we all go to die

Hearts torn apart

Cautious of where to start

Beating slowly

Stopping abruptly

Throwing it around

Lifeless and bound